Authors Note: I have an assignment for english class, in which I am supposed to write a short story. I am extremely lazy, and have decided to incorporate my short story into Zeus, and use a character in which that I do not have to invent a new one. Because of this little speed bump in the road, I am hoping that my grammar and 'stuff' will clear up a LITTLE bit (there I go) and get a good grade. I do need to change my story now so... don't worry about it.

Zeus looked around, and he realized that he wanted more. He had everything that he could ever possibly need, and still felt like there was more out there to be claimed.

This happened during a period where Greece had reached the height of its power, and the strongest government since Babylonians reigned. At the center of this government stood a figure, high and mighty, and yet a figure who still wanted more. The Greek religion revolved around this figure, and even still he wanted, even craved more.

It started off all fine and dandy, with everyone running in a pack, when Zeus decided that it would be beneficial to pull ahead in the first light year. And I was going to say that by doing this he would encounter an exponential amount of air resistance... But it would seem I brain CRAPPED and forgot that there is no air in SPACE. hence the name SPACE. Zeus then had to fight his own way through the void of black matter, and in doing so cleared a path for all the others. Pretty soon Hermes was level with Zeus, and then passed him. Zeus was slightly annoyed, but he could catch up with Hermes. Then OTHERS started passing him, INCLUDING the D god who only eats grapes and gets fat. (Dionysus in case you were wondering) so he (yet again) whipped out his fly swatter and began zapping gods. That then didn't work because they couldn't be grounded for the current to pass through them, and also gods have a higher tolerance than humans, so he just began taking them out. He launched an asteroid at a few, then ran into a giant present, and actually aquired a boost. By pressing the space button, he passed a few more, dodged around a banana peel, and hit the nitrous bottle. Ow. That dazed him a, but hitting the next present gave him a parachute thingy, which actually just slowed down all of the other gods, allowing Zeus to take them out more effec.... WHAT?! That's not the point of slowing them! Oh well, we never made any rules. By grabbing Athena by the ankles, and swinging her around, he took out all of the others except Hermes who had sped back up by now.

After preparing every day of every week of every month of every year of every decade for about half a century, Zeus finally felt prepared to run in a marathon. Sadly enough, Godly marathons are held every century, so he would need to prepare for another five decades before he would actually get to run in one. Stupidly enough, Hermes heard about his relentless vigour towards training, and began watching him (secretly). One day Zeus heard his door bell ring (a vibrant chorus of C#, B, and of course Y [flat] (It is not yet known how to make the b thingy on a computer)), and lo and behold, it was Hermes standing there with a chartreuse slip. (in case you didn't know (ignorant reader) a chartreuse slip is like a pink slip (the deed to a car (really ignorant reader)) just for a house instead). Hermes wanted to bet on the race. HAHAHA. Zeus had a good laugh at that, before accepting his offer, with the slip for MOUNT BRAINN FARTT.... OLYMPUS! that's it! MOUNT OLYMPUS was being BET to HERMES over a RUNNING race. Stupid, stupid, stupid Zeus. A few days later, the race started...

Now with his foot hurting less, and Poseidon back in his place, Zeus decided that he wanted to become a runner. For no reason other than every time one runs in a marathon one receives a cool shirt. And every time one receives a shirt, one feels like one has accomplished something special, even though nothing has REALLY been accomplished other than one wearing oneself out. It brings to ones mind a quote recently heard, "Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else." (Margaret Mead). Zeus found that amusing, even if Zeus is more unique than everyone else. At this point he was slapped in the face with Chuck Norris' spleen, because only the uniquest of the unique can splap (spleen slap) and Chuck Norris IS the most unique of them all. The one ring to RULE THEM ALL. So anyways, Zeus knew that he would need to begin a training regimen. What the heck's a regimen? "a strict, regulated plan (such as diet, exercise, or other activity) designed to reach certain goals." He would run first one day, then the next, and the day after that, taking a break only every 4,000 years. BUT like all other people in the world, Zeus was a lazy little s... BUM, and began taking breaks every 1,000 years, until he took one day off a year. Si mon dieu est parreuseux, qu'est-ce que je suis? (If my god is lazy, what am I?) Je pense, donc je suis. (I think therefore I am) Zeus doesn't speak french, so a translation was needed. In any case, taking a break every year isn't TOO bad, so after a couple of millenia, Zeus was all set to begin running in marathons. But keep in mind (for the next post) that a marathon in the eyes of a DEITY is not measured in miles, rather light years. And he would have to try extremely hard to keep up with Hermes, the messenger, who ran everywhere, all the time. *Drumroll*

He did call up Poseidon to ice it immediately, but he took his sweet time getting up to Mount Olympus, so by that time Zeus was feeling better anyways. He then proceeded to yell at Poseidon, but for fear of mercury poisoning couldn't eat him. So he set him back in his place. Homework time.

In any case, Zeus didn't like holes in him, they reminded him of Swiss cheese. Which reminded him of mice. Which reminded him of mouse traps. Which reminded him of that one story about the kid who was late to school every day, so his dad put a mouse trap on the snooze button. Which reminded him of Swiss cheese. (If you give a deity a deliberation...) Which reminded him of the moon. Which reminded him of aliens. OH YEAH, they were standing there in front of him. This digression was not helping at all. Reminding him of some of the requirements for homecoming court in highschool, the announcement said "You must have a 2.0 or higher GPA, and you may not have any acute chronic disciplinary issues" HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. IE ADD. Zeus found that sooo funny when he was in school, but it didn't really appeal to him now. Probably because there was a hole in his funny bone. This REALLY needed to stop, so he mustered up the energy to pick up the aliens, and put them in holding cells, until they stopped attacking. Or more conventionally named - easter eggs. They weren't very BIG aliens, the ship was about the size of a soccer ball, which, now that he thought about it made the perfect "Get out of my house" opportunity, He released the aliens back into the ship, and before they could get out, he gave 'em a good boot into the heavens. (that's nothing other than an expression, HEAVEN relates to GOD, and there ARE no gods above Zeus (Duh, how could you even THINK that?)) But being the dummy he is, and to keep the story going reasonably, he forgot to put shoes on (EVERYONE loves the feeling of cloud between their toes!) and hurt his foot pretty badly. It was red almost INSTANTLY and hurt like a BI.. bugger.

Zeus woke up with a start to some hardcore Kanye East blasting through the window. What the heck? So he went to go investigate the source of that crap. He actually found a bunch of gangsters graffiting the walls of his house. How the HECK did they get up here?! Zeus thought. But all odd matters aside, THIS was something that needed to be dealt with! He went back inside, and came back out with... You guessed it... HIS FLYSWATTER! One pop and those guys were deader than roadkill in the back of a trunk being eaten by maggots on a rainy tuesday. What to do with the bodies... Hmm... If he was WHACK OUT OF HIS MIND he would just fry 'em up and eat 'em but thats GROSS, so he decided to just shoot them into space. He actually built a slingshot and zoomed them through the atmosphere so they didn't COMPLETELY burn up, so that he could see what happened to stuff shot into space. Then it hit an alien spaceship, which then landed on him. Crap. Small little pink blobs started crawling out and cursing at him. In Latin. WOW, seriously?! a DEAD language for NEW life?! That's SO WEIRD. In any case, after cursing him out, they decided that he needed to be attacked... with paperclips. Several flew at him, before he realized that 1. Nobody was throwing them, they just zoomed at him, and 2. they were going all the way through him. Now Zeus had Uber-Natural healin' powas, and the holes sealed instantly, but how was that working? were they telekinetic?

Zeus got so mad about his crappy headphones, that he kicked a door that was laying convienently by his foot. Wow I just spelled that wrong. Conveniently. AND cut himself on the door. Oh well, stuff happens. He didn't think anything of it, until it started stinging, and he looked down. What he saw was absolutely repulsive. It was disgustingly gruesome. It was (yes I thesauresed this (yes I know it's not a word)) offensive, repugnant, and VULGAR to look at, but yet, he COULDN'T tear his eyes away. It almost looked like... EWWW it's gross to THINK about. Zeus MIND actually shut down, so he could STOP comprehending the revolting view. He wanted to barf. Except Zeus couldn't remember the last time he'd eaten. So he went to the fridge and made a turkey hoagie, with lettuce, mayo, tomato, sweet dill pickles, and of course, NO CHEESE. After polishing that off, he wanted dessert, so he made peanut butter fudge, which is DELISH-OUS. He began making it, and then conked out at the kitchen counter and went to sleep. Instantly. It was almost lik...Z-Z-Z-Z...

Zeus got fed up with the queer squirrels, so he ate them. And with that his camera. When he remembered his music crisis, and went back to working on his Sansa View; screw squirrels. He was Googling around about putting Linux on it, when he noticed something EXTREMELY odd, and VERY subtle. Google now has a LARGE FONT search box. Wow, they ACTUALLY changed their homepage search box so that it would PROMOTE searching. W.T.Frick? IT'S A SEARCH WEBSITE! IT'S A VERB, A NOUN, AND A WEBSITE AND YOU WANTED TO PROMOTE SEARCH MORE?! Wow. Little bit over-obsessed with customer service? Oh well, Google is the best there is, so a bigger search box is not a big annoyance. (haha get it? BIG annoyance? Kinda funny right?) Which reminds me of this one pun joke I heard that I forget now. Whatever who cares. Zeus loaded ALL of his music on the little thingy magig, when he learned that the headphones that came with it did not fit his godly ears. And plus the quality sucked. (When you have the ears of a god, crappy music quality is REALLY crappy) Which actually, the author DOES have the body of a god... his god is just less pretty than all the rest. Bud-ump CH. (Like the drum after a corny joke incase my ONAMODTAPEEA... OMNOMONOPEIA? (googling)

Onomatopoeia! ok.

Wow, stupid font change.

And just like that, Google Wave will become an instant hit. But apparently, this one couple from Canada had a squirrel jump in front of their camera, and they took a picture, and now there's this website (www.lutralutra.co.uk/) (for those of you wondering) (crap my fonts italicized) (wow I can't spell italicize) that will 'squirrelize' a picture for you, i.e. add a random squirrel into the picture. How wacky Crack is that? In ANY case, Zeus wants a squirrelized picture, so after he gets his mp3... he stole, no... steal implies 'taken against the owner's will' and the owner didn't HAVE much of a will while Zeus took it... (DON'T WORRY HE'S NOT DEAD!) (although Zeus recently read a book ("The Most Dangerous Game") about a man who hunts humans for fun, THAT was a screwy man) so Zeus... walked out with his brand-spanking new Sansa View. Bwa-ha-ha squirrel time. Zeus set his camera (a Cannon d430)(yes a Cannon, this was REALLY old, and more like a cannonball than a camera)(although it SOMEHOW has a remote control?!) on a rock and went to take a picture... when a squirrel popped up in front of the camera! Perfect! Zeus quick took the picture, but the squirrel flinched at the flash, and in it's idiotic, confusedness... state of confusion ate the camera. and promptly teleported on the spot. Well Zeus couldn't STAND for that, (he HATED stupid, picture bombing, hungry, teleporting squirrels) so he went out and bought a new camera. And this time took a good picture, when the same thing happened. DUN DUN DUNNNNNN...

So, in any case the author hasn't written SQUAT about Zeus in quite a while, and BECAUSE he's too lazy to go back and read and see where he was, this will be a random addition to the story. Not that... you know... the rest ISN'T random. Zeus realized that he never REALLY listened to music, so he decided to download some to listen to! But oh... wait, he has no computer speakers, and Zeus doesn't have a music player either! It's almost a sin in today's society to NOT have an iPod of some sort, but then Zeus doesn't LIKE Apple, so he never bothered to BUY one. Well, he would probably just take it, because you know, what police officer will stand up a god? So anywhos, he went down to a RadioZhack (rA-deo-zh... sh... zsh... whatever-ak) and browsed their mp3 players. Just from personal (Zeus') experience, Microsoft stuff BLOWS, so he decided to get a Sansa instead of an iPod or a Zune. Too bad Google doesn't have an mp3 player. THAT would be something worth investing on. Google always comes out with the latest and greatest stuff. Android... and the author recently (why do I refer to myself as 'the author'? it's POINTLESS) read/watched an introduction to something called Google Wave. It.Looks.Awesome. It's a combination between email, blogging, IM, group collaboration, social networking, and Chuck Norris. Ouch.

Well, Zeus has yet to wake upp, so I guess we'll just have to wait... and wait... and... wait...... Pfffffffft. Yeah right! The author apologizes for any sudden earthquakes or tidal waves in Asia that this disturbance, and in doing this says that this is in no way his fault, and if anybody is harmed, its karma. Unless that person is Jesus. In which case the author has just convicted the entire human race to certain darnation in heck for all eternity. Hm. Oh well! (The author proceeds to move Zeus's flyswatter over to his head, and press the 'ON' button) AAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH-UUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-EEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Well then! Somebody's a little bit grump this morning. So, as long as Zeus has been so rudely awakened from his ever deepening slumber, he proceeds to make pancakes. First the biscuik, then the flour, then the eggs, then the milk, then the most important ingredient of them all: The Chocolate Morsels. As soon as everything is all stirred in, and the batter feels like a nice consistency... What's the difference between batter... and dough... Hmm... My guess would have to be that dough is thicker, and more like clay because it holds it's shape better, but batter is more of a watery liquid than a squishy solid. So as soon as the BATTER was a nice consistency... Why is it batter for cooking, and batter for baseball? They have absolutely NOTHING to do with each other. With >500,000 words in the english language, why did some idiot have to pick one that has a COMPLETELY different meaning for baseball. Or maybe baseball came first. Or maybe cooking. Hm. The chicken... Or the egg... To be... Or not to be... If a tree falls in a forest, and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?... What is the meaning of life?

OK then. He killed the plotters, and went on to his doorbell. He wired it all up, pushed the doorbell... and shocked the heck out of himself. Weirdo. He woke up with a doctor standing over him (Zeus can't die and go to heaven, he is heaven) The doctor was amazed. After being in a coma for three years, waking up and getting knocked out for four years, and sleeping for five years, Zeus is fine. Thats 12 years of not moving. Strange. So, he went back to his doorbell, and rang it, because #1 He forgot everything that happened in the past 1,458,392,864,273 years (So his amnesia wasn't terrible) and forgot about his doorbell. Then he wasn't sure if someone had taken over his house so he checked to make sure. 12 years later he woke up with a doctor staring at him saying that he is "One lucky son of a monkey". He went back to the house, but was more careful this time, and only knocked. No one answered so he let himself in, and tried to fix his doorbell. He actually did get it working, and then wanted to put his computer together. Then he fell asleep. No body knows how when why or how he fell asleep, and if not for me telling this intricate tale of zeusisms, no one would even know. But as it is, he was extremely tired after sleeping for 24 years, and just fell down asleep. I guess we'll leave him for now, because we don't want to wake the sleeping beast. Hopefully he wakes up in six days.

(Note to self: Off-topic)

There, that's so this journal doesn't seem quite so random when I write it (like the others). Sorry Mrs. Pal =]. Oh wait. I hope I can edit this if I publish it.

So then, it turns out I can edit this journal. Anyways... Zeus realized that the author was getting extremely off topic and decided to focus the attention back onto himself, so he lit his pants on fire. THAT got my attention. So we're back at Zeus, and his doorbell, tesla coil, and amazing new computer case that he ordered to build a computer in. So, an MP3 player arrived for Zeus to build his ding-tone doorbell and he had bought speakers at RadioZap to put it together. He began building, but then became distracted by this girl that he really liked, and this other girl who really liked him. He actually had enough guts to ask the first girl out, but she said no to him. It kinda sucked for him, but more so for her, because he's Zeus, and he has more power than her. He sent her to the moon to life the rest of her life out with this really ugly fat kid he had sent there before because he hacked Zeus's WoW account. Well, she didn't like that (not one bit) but he didn't care he had bigger things on his mind. There was an assasination attempt on him, because Zeus is bla... HOLY CRAP! ZEUS IS AFRICAN-OLYMPIAN. WOW! I never knew that! Well then. He was practicing mind-reading (A skill you get after many many years alone) and he found a plot to assasinate him with sawed-... on ... shotgun. What the heck is that? Sawed-off = shorter. Sawed-on = ... longer? ... weird...

(Note to self: Off-topic)

There, that's so this journal doesn't seem quite so random when I write it (like the others). Sorry Mrs. Pal =]. Oh wait. I hope I can edit this if I publish it.

So then, it turns out I can edit this journal. Anyways... Zeus realized that the author was getting extremely off topic and decided to focus the attention back onto himself, so he lit his pants on fire. THAT got my attention. So we're back at Zeus, and his doorbell, tesla coil, and amazing new computer case that he ordered to build a computer in. So, an MP3 player arrived for Zeus to build his ding-tone doorbell and he had bought speakers at RadioZap to put it together. He began building, but then became distracted by this girl that he really liked, and this other girl who really liked him. He actually had enough guts to ask the first girl out, but she said no to him. It kinda sucked for him, but more so for her, because he's Zeus, and he has more power than her. He sent her to the moon to life the rest of her life out with this really ugly fat kid he had sent there before because he hacked Zeus's WoW account. Well, she didn't like that (not one bit) but he didn't care he had bigger things on his mind. There was an assasination attempt on him, because Zeus is bla... HOLY CRAP! ZEUS IS AFRICAN-OLYMPIAN. WOW! I never knew that! Well then. He was practicing mind-reading (A skill you get after many many years alone) and he found a plot to assasinate him with sawed-... on ... shotgun. What the heck is that? Sawed-off = shorter. Sawed-on = ... longer? ... weird...

So, he didn't just want a doorbell, oh god no. Which begs the question, because Christians (Monotheists) say Oh My God, did ancient egyptians (Polytheists) say Oh My Gods? Hmm. And if that is true, than that begs the question, what do atheists say?! Oh My. (Supposed to be a hard, cold, unexpected, abrupt stop there; (I used a semicolon!)but that is hard to portray in writing. Or is it typing? If a tree falls in a forest, and no one is around to hear, does it make a sound? All rhetorical questions, all complicated, all not going to be answered right now.) So then, Zeus wanted more than a doorbell, if cellphones could have ringtones why couldn't his house have a dingtone? He googled that. Great word... Google. Oh. My. (God(s)). Is that in the dictionary?! Holy crap! I'm checking that right now. ... ... ... OK. According to Webster's New Collegiate Dictionary of 1980 (Not so new now is it?) What the Fatwah? First of all, Google (TM) isn't a word, but googleplex (checking spelling on Google) is spelled googolplex? Strange, although it works both ways. There was way to many googles in those sentences. Dare I say there was a wait for it... wait for it GOOGLEplex of Googles in that sentence? HAHAHAHAHAHA. Well, I digress! Wow! That's a GREAT word! digress... I learned that in english class in sixth grade out of that mediumish sized blue book of vocab that I always read ahead in. Was that the one with Babette? I think so! I was never on the same page as everyone else. Always like fifty pages ahead. That was an interesting book. It had the cat in it, and Barnaby, the chico with the crazy hair. I was thinking that'd be sick to have hair like that. If I had an afro... Hmmmmmm... Crap. Something just fell over. Hope mom didn't wake up. Its nine minutes past my bedtime :-O *GASP*. Well then. Google is available on Dictionary.com . That dictionary really is old.

His hair stood straight up on end. He looked quite funny if I say so myself. When he caught a glimpse of himself in the shiny, reflective, distorted, surface of the ball, he look crazy! In fact, he looked like Einstein! Well, everyone knows that when one looks like Einstein, the first thing one must do is proclaim "E=MC Squared!" in as loud a voice as possible, which Zeus mustered quite well being the most powerful person in the world... galaxy... universe... area! He shook the ground! In fact, this happened so loudly, that even though it only happened once, it became the new lightning-thunder myth of the world. Everyone knows the one about angels bowling, well this surpassed that, and when I grow up I will be telling my children about the giant Van de Graaf in the sky instead of the giant bowling lane in the sky. So then, on to the tesla coil. Or did we finish that already? Hmm... C'ete une probleme. (This is a problem(I have lately been thinking in french... strange...)) Actually. I guess I should have just said this is a problem, after all this is for ENGLISH. Oh well. Anyways, on to the tesla coil. Actually... I think we did finish that. OK then. Zeus moved onto his next project: finishing a doorbell for his Stronghold. He hadn't had a doorbell for quite a while now, and everytime someone came ringing, he didn't hear them! This wasn't actually that much of a bad thing for him, because on mischief night (which was in five days) when people ding-dong ditched him, he didn't notice! Brilliant! Oh well, he would have to fix it sometime.

So we gather here to discuss Ze... No, that's not right. AND WE'RE BACK, while Zeus has a deadly, finished, tesla coil, and he has been playing with it for some while now. He finally got bored of creating ten foot lightning bolts, when he could do it himself easily, and decided that artificial lightning interested him, and he wanted to learn more about it. He looked at wikipedia, and saw that there are high voltage static generators (Van de Graaff) that looked extremely interesting to him. He saw that that was the metal balls that when you touch them you get an afro. He was going to build one, but Zeus is lazy, all powerful, god, and can do pretty much anything he wants, so he planned a robbery. He was planner, hacker (if needed), stealth guy, brains, sniper, and getaway driver at the same time, so it made the operation that much more difficult. After months of careful planning, when he still didn't have a good plan, he just flew down to earth, took a Van de Graaff, and flew back up. The idiotic humans gaped after him like he was some sort of strange supernatu... oh wait, I guess that explains the stares. Well the first thing he did, was plug the Van de Graaff into his alternate energy powered house. Whoa! Hold the Phone! Where did those solar cells come from? and the wind farm? Strange... He always knew that the greenies went a little crazy after while. And apparently Pneuma, and Helios didn't take kindly to not being remembered for blowing cool wind during the summer, and drawing the sun across the sky each day, so they made a big appearance at Zeuses house, so that whenever he angered them, they would just give him no energy. Well that wasn't good, so he quickly became good friends with the two Super Powers. Now to try out his Van de Graaff. It had been charging for quite a while now, so he figured it would get interesting if he touched it. He slowly moved his finger towards the silvery ball. Slower... Slower... He appeared to be halfing the distance each ti... CALCULUS?!?!?! At this rate he will NEVER touch the ball (quite literally). Well he kept going, and finally getting fed up with himself, reached out and touched it. As soon as he touched it,

So, returning from the cliffhanger ending, at which Chuck Norris is still furious at, we rejoin Zeus as he contemplates Chuck Norris and the idea to destroy humanity. He decides that maybe... just maybe... a human is not the best asset to destroying humans. Hmm... He was going to have to call a meeting... to decide on a meeting. When all one of the people arrived at the meeting (Zeus, in case you haven't guessed) he decided to hold his meeting two weeks from then in an old abandoned sushi bar at the South end of the world. He then needed something to do for those two weeks. Zeus had not forgotten his birthday, October 5th, and had gotten himself a most luxorious present. A ten KV transformer. He decided that he was going to need to build a tesla coil. After researching on http://www.instructables.com, he felt he knew how to make one. He began gathering all materials for it, and within a day and a half (with the help of a few humans, flying chariots, and magic) he had all the parts he needed to build the coil. He began to wrap the wire around the toroid for the secondary discharge coil, build the spark gap, and install the capacitor, and wrap the primary coil also. Once all that was finished (he got lazy towards the end and shipped the toroid to China) he then sautered i... sawter... sowte... SOLDERED! (Darn those words pronounced weird) all of the pieces in place. He was a very adept puzzle maker, and completed the coil before the end of his first week.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand my twenty minutes is up, so I'll write #8 right about now.

The only conclusion that Zeus could come too (after sniffing a little ...powder..., and playing violin (both of which ideas he got from sherlock holmes (the author takes no part in the horrendous things that Sherlock, and Zeus take part in, and hopes this doesn't get his post blocked, losing his credit for the day))) was that Chuck, ha... NORRIS, he remembered just in time, had roundhouse kicked his messenger so powerfully, and using his trademark move, shot him onto Pluto. Well, even though that Pluto (in the Androme... oh wait, past the Andromeda galaxy) was now out of the question, Zeus had a new idea for Chuck Norris. Hmm he thought, being interrupted by his attention defic..., OH SHINY WHA..., back on tra..., maybe he could abbreviate Chuck Norris. C.N.N. DARN IT, where did that N come from?! C. N...................................... BAM! Not a good idea either, the voice sounded in his head. The back of his face was really hurting right about now. Maybe he could get Chuck Norris to join him to destroy all humanity. He went down to meet with Chuck Norris. After a few hours on Japan's new levitating train, he had REALLY wanted to try that out, he finally got to the Oklahoma, and found the REAL W.M.D. CHUCK NORRIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The first thing he did was tell him his plan to destroy all humanity. Chuck Norris did NOT like that plan seeing as HE was part of humanity. DUH! Zeus then decided that Chuck Norris may not be the best asset. And although Chuck Norris is furious right now OW for OW leaving OW him STOP IT! at a cliffhanger, this will have to come to an end for this entry.

Well, after Zeus realized that Pluto wasn't a planet, he had to do something about it. Pluto was his favorite planet anyway, and it deserved some respect! Just 'cause those stupid scientists on earth couldn't reach it, they had to make themselves feel better and bully Pluto just because it was a midget (or little person as he had recently heard that 'midget' was a wee bit offending towards the vertically challenged(and he also realized that while thinking this, he had probably offended them some more... oh well)). He decided to contact Chuck Norris to reclaim Pluto as a planet. He sent his messenger down (he didn't have one before... strange how these things pop-up as needed) to Earth, to tell Chuck Norris that Zeus needed him. He told the messenger not to use the burning bush method, that was sooooo yesterday, but instead to just tell it to him straight, force him to handle it like the man he was. Then he began waiting. On the second night of his wait, he thought he saw something fly through the clouds into space, but it went so fast he couldn't be sure. Monday... Tuesday... Wednesday... Thursday... Friday (the author just read the part of New Moon with the list of months and is incorporating that). Finally Zeus thought he would check on his messenger, and Chuck. BAM! He just got kicked out of nowhere in the back of the head for thinking of Chuck NORRIS with only his first name. He was NOT! on a first name basis yet, and probably never will be. Well. That solved the problem of wondering about Chuck Norris. Now for the messenger. Again, strangely enough, a crystal ba... no... more of a crystal laptop?! Odd... Zeus saw on his Chat Client (which was the whole purpose of the laptop, he already had a true alienware computer (like literally, he got it from aliens)) that his messenger was offline. Well he would just have to change that, he is Zeus after all, and once that was done, he began a video chat with him, and although the messenger couldn't see him, Zeus could see in the crystal ba... laptop that the messenger was actually on Pluto, which had actually been knocked out of orbit by him hitting it with such force. Zeus was completely and utterly confused.

New journal, giant flyswatter time. The first thing that Zeus realized that no matter the voltage of the swatter, as long as he had 1 amp of current flowing through (30 mA kills) he would be fine. He hopped on his computer and started looking at high voltages and amperages. He decided to buy a Neon Sign Transformer, to give him the high voltage kill amps he'd need. Looking up them, he found out about Jacob's ladders and Tesla coils. This, he decided was a must have, so all flyswatters put on hold, he began gathering the parts necessary for a Jacob's ladder. He acquired a NST, wire, copper, and a bunch of other things to begin his design. He decided to power his with alternative energy, so he attached a huge solar panel to his house, and measured the output voltage of it. It was around 120 Volts, like a normal house, but instead of the AC current he needed, the solar panel gave off a DC current. He decided to go back to building the flyswatter because it would be more fun, and because he hadn't learned about inverters yet. All he did for his flyswatter, was take the design of the small one, enlarge and boost it a little. He borrowed the enlargifier (for lack of a better word) from the people that did the movie "Honey, I blew up the kid", when he realized that it was all Hollywood movie magic and it didn't actually work. Oh the heck with it, he used his own powers (Which he had honestly almost forgotten about) and blew up the flyswatter himself. Then, because of that little attention deficit disorder he had, began building the Jacob's ladder again. He remembered in the bible how they tried to build the tower of Babel to heaven, and decided to build a Jacob's ladder to a planet. He decided on Pluto. The next day, after checking his e-mail, he learned that PLUTO ISN'T A PLANET! He decided right then and there that it was, and Chuck Norris could fix this dilemma. When we return... I will write another journal entry to follow up this one... dun... dun... DUN!

When Zeus realized that destroying all the people was the only option he had, he had to decide how to do it. He could use a flood... No... That was old school. Also, everyone owned a boat, so he didn't know how effective that would be. Lighting? No, that was too obvious, and plus people weren't afraid of lightning anymore now that they had the Weather Station. AHA! He would send in a strange frequency radio wave, and have one of the computers running SETI@home detect it, and while they were busy searching for aliens, he would have giant I-p... TRI-PODS pop up out of the ground and kill them all. MWA-HA-HA-HA! This was the perfect plan! Once he had figured it all out, he decided to relax and watch a nice illegally downloaded (He can do that, He's Zeus) War of the Worlds. As he watched, he got more and more astonished that someone had already stolen his idea out of his head. Then it dawned on him, they had thought of the SAME EXACT IDEA! Crap! Zeus was going to need another, more original idea, or else he would fail to destroy the world, and have Doug's journal entries go on, and on, longer than expected (Which wouldn't be so bad actually). He stayed up all night thinking about what he could do that would be original, and creative, to destroy the world. Maybe he would just form one of those electric fly-swatters, but make it HUGE to zap all the people. He began planning this approach, and just to make it a little more ironic, he filled the world with flies (He was a little overwhelmed with what God had done with Moses and tried to surpass this) and gave everyone an electric swatter thing. In fact they rained from the sky and covered the ground like manna (There's that competition again). And just when he was going to begin building his swatter, the ten minutes of writing was up, and he would have to wait a few minutes for the next one to begin.

There once was an island named Zeus, because a very long time ago, when everyone on the island was behaving badly, Zeus looked down and decided that he had to change the people. He checked the bible of his god (God) to look for ideas of how to do it. First he came across the book of Exodus and decided that although using the sea to kill everyone was an interesting feat, he didn't want to part it like Moses, because that would do absolutely no harm whatsoever to the people. Because he decided that would be pointless, he kept looking, and not long afterwards found the story of Noah's ark. He found that that would be a good way to rid the people of the island, but then noticed one small detail in particular. God had kept one man alive during this purging of the people. Digging way deep in his brain, back to his impossible-to-spell-her-name teacher back in Eighth grade, to figure out if after doing that, the world stayed good like God had wanted. What he discovered was something he didn't want. He figured out that when God left Noah, the purest human in the world, alive to start a new world, humans are, were, and shall be, humans, and that didn't work out so well. A few thousand years after Noah, places like Philadelphia, and Pittsburgh came into being, were more people were being shot, murdered, and other things that would cause this blog to be blocked by WebSense. He decided he didn't want this and decided to massacre the people of the island in an unprepared, pop-murder (kind of like a pop-quiz).

Intro

I guess I'll start with an intro to the blog. In school, I needed to put in two creative writing journals every six days. I started this completely and utterly random story about Zeus (hence the name of the blog). I am copying and pasting all of THOSE journals, into THIS blog, and continuing it, JUST FOR FUN *gasp*! I never knew I would do homework on my OWN, but I guess my teacher screwed me up THAT much.

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