Now with his foot hurting less, and Poseidon back in his place, Zeus decided that he wanted to become a runner. For no reason other than every time one runs in a marathon one receives a cool shirt. And every time one receives a shirt, one feels like one has accomplished something special, even though nothing has REALLY been accomplished other than one wearing oneself out. It brings to ones mind a quote recently heard, "Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else." (Margaret Mead). Zeus found that amusing, even if Zeus is more unique than everyone else. At this point he was slapped in the face with Chuck Norris' spleen, because only the uniquest of the unique can splap (spleen slap) and Chuck Norris IS the most unique of them all. The one ring to RULE THEM ALL. So anyways, Zeus knew that he would need to begin a training regimen. What the heck's a regimen? "a strict, regulated plan (such as diet, exercise, or other activity) designed to reach certain goals." He would run first one day, then the next, and the day after that, taking a break only every 4,000 years. BUT like all other people in the world, Zeus was a lazy little s... BUM, and began taking breaks every 1,000 years, until he took one day off a year. Si mon dieu est parreuseux, qu'est-ce que je suis? (If my god is lazy, what am I?) Je pense, donc je suis. (I think therefore I am) Zeus doesn't speak french, so a translation was needed. In any case, taking a break every year isn't TOO bad, so after a couple of millenia, Zeus was all set to begin running in marathons. But keep in mind (for the next post) that a marathon in the eyes of a DEITY is not measured in miles, rather light years. And he would have to try extremely hard to keep up with Hermes, the messenger, who ran everywhere, all the time. *Drumroll*

He did call up Poseidon to ice it immediately, but he took his sweet time getting up to Mount Olympus, so by that time Zeus was feeling better anyways. He then proceeded to yell at Poseidon, but for fear of mercury poisoning couldn't eat him. So he set him back in his place. Homework time.

In any case, Zeus didn't like holes in him, they reminded him of Swiss cheese. Which reminded him of mice. Which reminded him of mouse traps. Which reminded him of that one story about the kid who was late to school every day, so his dad put a mouse trap on the snooze button. Which reminded him of Swiss cheese. (If you give a deity a deliberation...) Which reminded him of the moon. Which reminded him of aliens. OH YEAH, they were standing there in front of him. This digression was not helping at all. Reminding him of some of the requirements for homecoming court in highschool, the announcement said "You must have a 2.0 or higher GPA, and you may not have any acute chronic disciplinary issues" HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. IE ADD. Zeus found that sooo funny when he was in school, but it didn't really appeal to him now. Probably because there was a hole in his funny bone. This REALLY needed to stop, so he mustered up the energy to pick up the aliens, and put them in holding cells, until they stopped attacking. Or more conventionally named - easter eggs. They weren't very BIG aliens, the ship was about the size of a soccer ball, which, now that he thought about it made the perfect "Get out of my house" opportunity, He released the aliens back into the ship, and before they could get out, he gave 'em a good boot into the heavens. (that's nothing other than an expression, HEAVEN relates to GOD, and there ARE no gods above Zeus (Duh, how could you even THINK that?)) But being the dummy he is, and to keep the story going reasonably, he forgot to put shoes on (EVERYONE loves the feeling of cloud between their toes!) and hurt his foot pretty badly. It was red almost INSTANTLY and hurt like a BI.. bugger.

Zeus woke up with a start to some hardcore Kanye East blasting through the window. What the heck? So he went to go investigate the source of that crap. He actually found a bunch of gangsters graffiting the walls of his house. How the HECK did they get up here?! Zeus thought. But all odd matters aside, THIS was something that needed to be dealt with! He went back inside, and came back out with... You guessed it... HIS FLYSWATTER! One pop and those guys were deader than roadkill in the back of a trunk being eaten by maggots on a rainy tuesday. What to do with the bodies... Hmm... If he was WHACK OUT OF HIS MIND he would just fry 'em up and eat 'em but thats GROSS, so he decided to just shoot them into space. He actually built a slingshot and zoomed them through the atmosphere so they didn't COMPLETELY burn up, so that he could see what happened to stuff shot into space. Then it hit an alien spaceship, which then landed on him. Crap. Small little pink blobs started crawling out and cursing at him. In Latin. WOW, seriously?! a DEAD language for NEW life?! That's SO WEIRD. In any case, after cursing him out, they decided that he needed to be attacked... with paperclips. Several flew at him, before he realized that 1. Nobody was throwing them, they just zoomed at him, and 2. they were going all the way through him. Now Zeus had Uber-Natural healin' powas, and the holes sealed instantly, but how was that working? were they telekinetic?

Zeus got so mad about his crappy headphones, that he kicked a door that was laying convienently by his foot. Wow I just spelled that wrong. Conveniently. AND cut himself on the door. Oh well, stuff happens. He didn't think anything of it, until it started stinging, and he looked down. What he saw was absolutely repulsive. It was disgustingly gruesome. It was (yes I thesauresed this (yes I know it's not a word)) offensive, repugnant, and VULGAR to look at, but yet, he COULDN'T tear his eyes away. It almost looked like... EWWW it's gross to THINK about. Zeus MIND actually shut down, so he could STOP comprehending the revolting view. He wanted to barf. Except Zeus couldn't remember the last time he'd eaten. So he went to the fridge and made a turkey hoagie, with lettuce, mayo, tomato, sweet dill pickles, and of course, NO CHEESE. After polishing that off, he wanted dessert, so he made peanut butter fudge, which is DELISH-OUS. He began making it, and then conked out at the kitchen counter and went to sleep. Instantly. It was almost lik...Z-Z-Z-Z...

Zeus got fed up with the queer squirrels, so he ate them. And with that his camera. When he remembered his music crisis, and went back to working on his Sansa View; screw squirrels. He was Googling around about putting Linux on it, when he noticed something EXTREMELY odd, and VERY subtle. Google now has a LARGE FONT search box. Wow, they ACTUALLY changed their homepage search box so that it would PROMOTE searching. W.T.Frick? IT'S A SEARCH WEBSITE! IT'S A VERB, A NOUN, AND A WEBSITE AND YOU WANTED TO PROMOTE SEARCH MORE?! Wow. Little bit over-obsessed with customer service? Oh well, Google is the best there is, so a bigger search box is not a big annoyance. (haha get it? BIG annoyance? Kinda funny right?) Which reminds me of this one pun joke I heard that I forget now. Whatever who cares. Zeus loaded ALL of his music on the little thingy magig, when he learned that the headphones that came with it did not fit his godly ears. And plus the quality sucked. (When you have the ears of a god, crappy music quality is REALLY crappy) Which actually, the author DOES have the body of a god... his god is just less pretty than all the rest. Bud-ump CH. (Like the drum after a corny joke incase my ONAMODTAPEEA... OMNOMONOPEIA? (googling)

Onomatopoeia! ok.

Wow, stupid font change.

And just like that, Google Wave will become an instant hit. But apparently, this one couple from Canada had a squirrel jump in front of their camera, and they took a picture, and now there's this website (www.lutralutra.co.uk/) (for those of you wondering) (crap my fonts italicized) (wow I can't spell italicize) that will 'squirrelize' a picture for you, i.e. add a random squirrel into the picture. How wacky Crack is that? In ANY case, Zeus wants a squirrelized picture, so after he gets his mp3... he stole, no... steal implies 'taken against the owner's will' and the owner didn't HAVE much of a will while Zeus took it... (DON'T WORRY HE'S NOT DEAD!) (although Zeus recently read a book ("The Most Dangerous Game") about a man who hunts humans for fun, THAT was a screwy man) so Zeus... walked out with his brand-spanking new Sansa View. Bwa-ha-ha squirrel time. Zeus set his camera (a Cannon d430)(yes a Cannon, this was REALLY old, and more like a cannonball than a camera)(although it SOMEHOW has a remote control?!) on a rock and went to take a picture... when a squirrel popped up in front of the camera! Perfect! Zeus quick took the picture, but the squirrel flinched at the flash, and in it's idiotic, confusedness... state of confusion ate the camera. and promptly teleported on the spot. Well Zeus couldn't STAND for that, (he HATED stupid, picture bombing, hungry, teleporting squirrels) so he went out and bought a new camera. And this time took a good picture, when the same thing happened. DUN DUN DUNNNNNN...

So, in any case the author hasn't written SQUAT about Zeus in quite a while, and BECAUSE he's too lazy to go back and read and see where he was, this will be a random addition to the story. Not that... you know... the rest ISN'T random. Zeus realized that he never REALLY listened to music, so he decided to download some to listen to! But oh... wait, he has no computer speakers, and Zeus doesn't have a music player either! It's almost a sin in today's society to NOT have an iPod of some sort, but then Zeus doesn't LIKE Apple, so he never bothered to BUY one. Well, he would probably just take it, because you know, what police officer will stand up a god? So anywhos, he went down to a RadioZhack (rA-deo-zh... sh... zsh... whatever-ak) and browsed their mp3 players. Just from personal (Zeus') experience, Microsoft stuff BLOWS, so he decided to get a Sansa instead of an iPod or a Zune. Too bad Google doesn't have an mp3 player. THAT would be something worth investing on. Google always comes out with the latest and greatest stuff. Android... and the author recently (why do I refer to myself as 'the author'? it's POINTLESS) read/watched an introduction to something called Google Wave. It.Looks.Awesome. It's a combination between email, blogging, IM, group collaboration, social networking, and Chuck Norris. Ouch.